


back 2 u (1:47 AM)

by sungwoontrash



Series: our song [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: AGAIN WARNING: PAIN, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, Squad, Warning: Pain, breaking up, but not happy, has an ending, onghwansung are loyal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 07:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15262539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungwoontrash/pseuds/sungwoontrash
Summary: Even when he’s on his 20s, Daniel didn’t even get to experience how it feels to be in love and to be loved by someone, except from the love he receives from his family and friends. Sungwoon came into his lonely and peaceful life right when he was eager to find his one true love. Daniel felt happy for the first time but he failed to notice how his lips were smiling yet his heart was bleeding. And the cause of the pain he felt does not come from his enemy, but from the man he loves.





	back 2 u (1:47 AM)

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT A SEQUEL OF CONGRATULATIONS (HOW COULD YOU BE FINE?) just to be clear with all of you. i have to remind you little clouds, that i do have a thing for song titles where i often get my inspirations...so again this fic was inspired by back 2 u (1:47 AM) by nct127. if you're not aware with the song, go and check it out and i'm sure you'll love it.
> 
> plus, i'm not sure if i get to deliver the pain i wanted to pursue with this fic but let me know if u felt a stabbed in your heart while reading this. let us go with daniel as he finds happiness and will to move on. enjoy!!! or not???

  
“If this is what you called love, then I don’t want it,” Daniel knew that once he say those words, he will not be breaking the heart of the man who’s standing in front of him, but his own. This is not what Daniel had imagined before. This is not what he thought about love. This is far beyond from what his parents felt for each other. Daniel could tell that he was not prepared with the pain he’s feeling right now. He wasn’t even prepared that he would felt pain on his first time of being in love. He looked at the man who made him believe in love, but he refuses to think that it is same man who breaks his heart for the first time.

  


  
”No, Daniel. It’s not what you think. Can you please just let me explain,” The older plead and held his hands tightly. Daniel was trembling and Sungwoon felt it as he slides his fingers between the younger’s. Bet Daniel had no strength left because he couldn’t even pull his hands away from him. He looked at the older with pain in his eyes, “It’s not what I think? Really, hyung? You’re telling me it’s not what I think when you’re all over that man, for god’s sake.” He breaks down but Sungwoon was quick to catch him.

  


  
”Daniel, believe me. It’s not supposed to happen, it was just an accident. I was drunk and I didn’t know what happened after that. Please, listen to me.” Sungwoon explains and his eyes were swollen from crying for hours. Daniel covered his eyes and he was crying loudly as he muttered profanities constantly. “Please look at me. I was just carried away. I didn’t even know that I would get drunk. I stopped him, believe me when I said that it was not what I wanted.”

  


  
Daniel gritted his teeth as he let a heavy sigh, “Do you think I could believe that? You know I respected you more than anything else that I didn’t force you to do it with me unless we’re married.” As Sungwoon heard that, he lets his guilt eat him whole. He was out of words, just like how Daniel felt when he saw him above someone else. “I prevented myself for going overboard with our relationship. I even promised you that we’ll only do it after we settle down. But how can you—“ The younger couldn’t finish his sentence as he felt his anger eating him up inside. “How could you do it with someone else? Someone that’s not me?”

  


  
Daniel forced himself to stand up even when he felt his body was weak from all the shit that happened on that day. He wishes that he could hear Sungwoon explain his self one more time, that maybe he could change his mind. But all he heard was nonstop _sorry’s_ and _please believe me _and that’s when Daniel realized that he had enough. If Sungwoon persuades him one more time, he wouldn’t have walked away from him that night. But he didn’t, and that’s what hurts him the most. “We’re done.”  
__

__  
_ _

> ____  
> **From: love, woon — _12:48 AM_**  
>  Daniel, please talk to me. 
> 
> __  
> _ _

__  
__  


  


> **From: love, woon — _12:52 AM_  
>  Come back to our apartment now. Let’s talk.**
> 
>   
> 

  


> **_12:53 AM  
>  love, woon is calling_ **
> 
> _  
> _

__

  


> **From: love, woon — _12:56 AM_  
>  I know you’re still awake. Please answer my call, niel.**

  


  
Daniel locked his phone after reading Sungwoon’s text. He didn’t know how far he had walked away from their apartment, but he finds himself standing at the front of his friends’ dorm. “Who could that be at this hour?” Jisung left Seongwu and Jaehwan at their couch whose busy watching a movie and got up to open the door. He was surprised to see Daniel, who infrequently visits them, with swollen eyes and messy hair. “Daniel, are you okay—“ He didn’t finished his sentence when he saw a tear falling from the swollen eyes.  


  
”Seongwu! Jaehwan!” Jisung called them after getting a grasp about Daniel’s situation. “Guide him to the couch. I’ll just go get some water.” Even they didn’t know what is happening, they guide Daniel to their couch, which probably got not strength left on his body. Jisung returned and hands him the water but he just held it tightly between his hands. They fell into silence and all they can hear is Daniel’s quiet sobs. Their hearts were breaking by the sight of the youngest, crying silently, when he used to be the cheerful and jolly one in their group. “Daniel, let it all out. Don’t limit yourself.” Seconds after Jaehwan said that, Daniel cried his heart out. Without knowing when the tears would stop from falling.

  


  
Daniel continued crying while his hyungs continue to caress him, “Tell us when you’re ready. No matter what happens, we’ll always listen to you.” Seongwu stated and Daniel nodded his head. Jisung’s phone suddenly rings on their side table and they all looked at it. Jisung’s expression changes into nervousness as he glances on the caller ID. “It’s Sungwoon. Do you want me to answer it?”

  


  
”Doesn’t matter, hyung. But please…please don’t tell him I’m here,” Daniel muttered before he asked Jaehwan a permission to sleep on his bed for the night. He lets himself fall on Jaehwan’s bed, curled his body and covers it with comforter. Daniel listens as his hyungs talk to Sungwoon until he hears a glass breaking, the door slamming and Jaehwan calling his Jisung and Seongwu hyung to come back. Daniel didn’t feel weak unlike how he currently feels as he lays on bed. It’s like his whole world were crashing into pieces. Sungwoon was all his firsts. Sungwoon made him felt everything for the first time. But he didn’t know that he will also be the one who’d cause him pain. He had no tears left to cry and he felt how his eyes were tired. He’s getting sleepy after crying around-the-clock but right before he lets his eyes be closed, he felt his phone vibrated for several times on his pocket. And he wished that he didn’t even open the messages because he felt his tears falling from his eyes through his cheeks again for the hundredth time.

  


  


>   
>  **From: love, woon — _1:32 AM_  
>  Niel…**
> 
>   
> 

  


> **From: love, woon — _1:33 AM_  
>  Please, my niel… ******
> 
> ****  
> ** **

****  
****  


  


> **From: love, woon — _1:33 AM_  
>  I’ll keep calling your name until you come back home.**
> 
>   
> 

  


* * *

  


  
Weeks had passed, it was harder than what Daniel thought, when he continuously avoids running into Sungwoon. He even neglects his text messages, calls and keeps himself busy with his requirements on one of his majors. He doesn’t have any idea how he managed to survive the past weeks with a stab on his heart. He even had himself another part time job together with Jaehwan at a pizza shop to prevent himself from longing for the other. Once in a while, he cries himself into sleep as that certain moment keeps on flashing back on his mind. The moment he saw Sungwoon above some other man, being intimate, far from what they had done ever since they started dating. All he can felt was continuous pain, but after all that happened, he knew the love he have for Sungwoon is still stronger than the pain he’s currently feeling.

  


  
He had done a good job avoiding Sungwoon, not until today, when he bumped into him at the cafeteria. “Daniel,” Sungwoon called him as they stand in front of each other. “It’s been weeks since you left. Can we please talk—” He hasn’t finished his sentence when a tall and petite man called the older’s name. “Your food will get cold, hyung. What’s taking you too long?” Daniel didn’t need to look who arrived because he knew that voice. He clenched his fist as he switched his glance from Sungwoon to the man who’s behind all this complications. Sungwoon flinched when Minhyun grabs him by the wrist in front of his boyfriend.

  


  
”I need to talk to Daniel, Minhyun. Leave us alone, please.” Sungwoon removes his hand from being gripped by the younger. He looks at Daniel who’s now glaring at them. “Daniel—” But as soon as he calls his name, he starts walking away. “Get him. We don’t have anything to talk about.” Daniel knew that he would surely lost Sungwoon to his first love when he walks away. But he couldn’t look at them without remembering what they had done behind his back. He heard Sungwoon calling him multiple times but he didn’t look back, because he knows Sungwoon will not run after him. Because he’s always the one chasing after him.

  


  
He was always right. The day went by and Sungwoon didn’t even run after him, he didn’t even apologize, he didn’t even bother to explain himself again and it hurts Daniel more. He let out a sarcastic laugh as he stares at the promise ring he bought for the both of them on their first anniversary. It was still shining on his ring finger. He wished he could just throw it away and never find it again but it’s like throwing his promise of loving Sungwoon until his last breath. Daniel was thankful he had his hyungs to be by his side ever since the clash happened. “Daniel, look. I met this girl at the bar yesterday and she was drop dead gorgeous. Do you think I should hit on her?” Jaehwan sat down beside him on their couch and showed his phone to the younger. “Why are you bothering him? Go and get your, girl.” Seongwu shooed him away and Jaehwan just hissed at his hyung before he makes his way out of the dorm. As Seongwu sat on the couch beside him, he caught Daniel playing with their promise ring, “How come you’re still wearing it? Aren’t you sure when you said you’re done with him?”

  


  
”I’m afraid. I’m afraid he’ll choose that guy over me.” Daniel confessed and lets his head rest above the couch. “He was his first. I came into his life after that dumbass left him. I was the second, his middle. And I’m afraid I’m will not be his last.” Seongwu looks at his dongsaeng with pity in his eyes. The older couldn’t believe his ears on what he heard from Daniel, “I couldn’t believe you still think of him that way, when all he did was hurt you over and over again.” Daniel didn’t answer and just smiled at the ceiling his staring at. “Daniel, do yourself a favour and move on. He couldn’t even stand on his own amd explain everything to you. He even spends his time with that Minhyun instead of making it up to you. How could you believe him when he said it’s not what he wanted when it’s clear enough to see the truth?” Daniel couldn’t even understand the situation anymore but he knows that Seongwu was right. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve Sungwoon.

  


  
It was already late evening, Jisung already went to bed since he was busy studying for his Masteral and Seongwu was hanging out with his fellow theatre actors. Jaehwan was busy laughing to himself while watching a movie which was not even in genre of comedy. It’s already been weeks like this, he moved in to his friends’ dorm after they fixed the extra room which he used before him and Sungwoon started dating. He gathers his things one at a time at their apartment without Sungwoon noticing that he’s moving away. He thought that he would just get all his remaining things when he already call it quits with the older, which he didn’t know when will happen. Because he cannot still let him go, after all that happened.

  


  
Daniel was already feeling sleepy and he’s still not halfway through his political paper that is due the next day. He checked his phone for the time and it’s already _12:56 AM_ , he has only afternoon class so he could still finish the paper and sleep by 2 o’clock in the morning. Daniel cleared his head and gathers all the information he had searched an hour ago. He was busy staring at his laptop a few moments after, when his phone suddenly rings that is placed beside where his laptop is placed. The ring didn’t startle him; instead, he was surprised to see the one who’s calling him.

  


  
****

> **_1:07 AM  
>  love, woon is calling_ **
> 
> **  
> **

  
He knew he was better off without him but his fingers were itching to answer the call. The call turned into missed and he prayed that Sungwoon just pressed his number accidentally but not until his phone starts ringing again. Deep inside, he really wanted to hear his voice even when he shouldn’t. He picked up his phone right when it started ringing again for the third time and reached for the answer button. This isn’t right, he knows, but it is what he wanted.

  


  
_”Niel-ah…”_

__  


  
”Why did you call?”

  


  
He hears a chuckle from the other line, it keeps going for seconds until he hears a hushed sobs. He knew it was not a good thing to answer the call and he was not glad to be welcomed by Sungwoon’s cry. He kept silent, waiting for Sungwoon to talk, because he knows he’s been waiting for his explanation. He didn’t want to hear any _sorry’s _or_ forgive me_, he’s waiting for him to say that he loves him and everything he had with Minhyun was a mistake.

  


  
_”Niel, come back to me now… I’m such a mess without you. I’m always a mess without you. Please go home now. Please…”_

__  


  
The last word comes in whisper as Sungwoon pleads Daniel to come back to him and live again with him in their shared apartment. Daniel wished it was easy, to just come back and act like he was never hurt. It hurts him in a way he thinks he was not good enough for Sungwoon. Maybe because Sungwoon was his first, but he was not Sungwoon’s. He literally gave everything on their relationship without even realizing he fails to leave something for himself. He respected him above anyone else. He didn’t do anything that would make Sungwoon mad and upset. Daniel knew Sungwoon would be his first and last, as he tries his best to make everything work. He was ready to settle down with him, right after he graduates because all he can see is having a family with no one but Sungwoon. But now everything’s in a blur, as all he hears are Sungwoon’s pleading sobs.

  


  
_”Do you remember the time we went on a ski resort? It was winter that time and you were whining at me because all you wanted was to cuddle in our apartment. But I still forced you to come with me. It was one of the greatest moment I always remember.”_

__  
  


* * *

  


  
_”Daniel, go and get dress now. Stop whining and start moving, please?” Sungwoon held Daniel’s wrist and started pulling him from lying on their bed. He had given all his strength but Daniel was still lying comfortably, “Are you gonna let me go to the ski resort alone? There will be a lot of couples hanging out there while I’m going to ski without my boyfriend.” He pouts and let goes of his boyfriend’s hands as he sat down beside Daniel. “Never mind, then. If you don’t want to go, I will not force you.”_

__  


  
_Daniel smiles when he saw the older sulking while looking at his phone with details for the ski resort. He gets up and hugs Sungwoon from behind as they both look at the pictures on the resort. “Wow, it really has a nice view. No wonder many couples go there for a one day vacation,” Daniel said and he can see that Sungwoon really wanted to go there. They have their class the next day and Daniel only wanted to take a rest because he just finished his performance task. But he also wanted to make Sungwoon happy, “Maybe I should get dress now so we can catch when the next bus arrives?” Sungwoon looks at him with shocked expression and he smiled as the older kissed him on the cheeks before he gets dress._

__  


  
_”It’s really a great decision to come here, oh wow!” Sungwoon exclaimed as they enter the ski resort. There were group of people who went at the same day, group of friends, families, and even couples. Daniel grabbed Sungwoon to fix his ear muffs and scarf, “Let’s get you warm first before you go and play in cold weather.” Sungwoon looks at him and smiles warmly at the sight of his boyfriend always taking care of him. He muttered a thank you before running with his ski and ski poles in both of his hands._

__  


  
_”Let’s go at the top, niel.” Sungwoon called him when they arrived at the station of cable car which will bring them to the topmost part of the resort. Sungwoon was obviously freezing in cold but he still couldn’t hide his excitement as they ride the cable car together. “You’re really enjoying yourself, huh?” Daniel asked him Sungwoon who is busy being mesmerized by the view. Sungwoon nodded while taking pictures, “Yes but I am more grateful since you came here with me. Even though your lazy ass was acting up early in the morning.” Daniel laughed and Sungwoon grabbed the chance to take a picture of his boyfriend laughing. He showed it to Daniel, “You looked great as always, just like the view.” Daniel smiled and he was more than glad that he came here with Sungwoon, because he’s all that matters._

__  


  
_They arrived at the topmost part and ran towards the centre where most of the people where skiing and snowboarding at the same time. “Do you want to do this as a game?” Sungwoon asked while they’re getting ready to go ski. Daniel looks up at him while he fixes the boots of the older, “Why do you always want to make a bet when you always lose in the game?” He laughed but Sungwoon smacked his head right away. “Don’t be a pussy and just play with me. This will be fun!” He exclaimed and Daniel just nods at him. “Alright, so who ever arrives at the bottom first will get to throw snowballs at the loser. You in?” Daniel smiled at his boyfriend playfully and nodded, because he knows he will definitely win the game._

__  


  
_”Hey, it wasn’t fair. I collided with some bunch of children right on the middle,” Sungwoon complained because it is obvious that Daniel won the game and he’s using his charm to get another chance. “Well, we didn’t discuss that this will be up to 3. So no, I won.” Daniel stated and Sungwoon sat in the middle, still pouting at his boyfriend. “You’re so unfair. I hate you!” He hissed and Daniel starts to gather snow in his hands. “Sorry babe, but this was your idea.” Sungwoon stomped his feet while his boyfriend piles his snowballs on the side. “Go easy on me, you rat!” He hissed but Daniel shut him up when he throws a sudden snowball at him._

__  


  
_Daniel was surely taking advantage of the situation when he continuously throws snowballs at his hyung. Sungwoon couldn’t take it anymore as he stood up and also starts throwing snowball at the younger. Daniel ran for his life while still laughing and Sungwoon throws him a bunch of tiny snowballs. When the older was gathering some snowballs, Daniel threw a huge one to him that makes him sit from where he’s standing. Daniel laughed and Sungwoon glares at him hard. Daniel runs away from his hyung and Sungwoon follows him after, “Hey! Come back here—“ He didn’t finish his sentence when he tripped himself while running. A sudden scream from him makes Daniel look back at his hyung. Sungwoon flinched at his position as he felt the pain on his foot. Daniel ran back at him and let him ride on his back, “Be careful next time. You don’t need to hurt yourself because I will come back to you.”_

_  
_

  
Daniel felt how his heart weakened when he reminisced the memories they had that day. It was one of the memorable moments they had and not it’s nothing but just a mere memory. _”Do I need to hurt myself just for you to come back to me, Daniel?”_ He heard Sungwoon said from the other line. He shook his head as if the older can see him. “You don’t need to hurt yourself because you already hurt me and that what’s make it harder for me to come back.”

  


  
_Call ended_

__  
  


* * *

  


  
Midterm was already done and Daniel felt he could finally breathe after all the requirements he needs to pass before the examinations, plus the time he needs for studying. He was preoccupied with his studies that he even forgot he was still bleeding. Sungwoon continued texting him, asking him to come back but Daniel always left him on read. He constantly bumps into him every now and then; he wished he couldn’t see the hurt in the older’s eyes every time he neglects him. Sometimes, Daniel thinks of being numb just for a little while because it still pains him to see Sungwoon with Minhyun but he couldn’t do anything about it. He shouldn’t do anything about it, that’s what he believes. Maybe someday, he will regret everything. He will be eaten up by his regrets once he sees Minhyun holding the hands of Sungwoon, the hands he let go months ago.

  


  
The three of four of them were hanging out in their dorm, too lazy to get up and get drunk at the bar. So they just settle themselves with 2 boxes of chicken together with their leftover beers at their refrigerator. They were trying to cool down from the hectic schedules they had for the past weeks. Jisung being busy with his Masteral, too preoccupied during lectures up until he got home. Jaehwan who’s also busy with the upcoming concert for a cause of their department a week before the examination while doing his part time job with a hoarse voice. Seongwu who spends lot of his time practicing for their huge play who’s in charge of the script writing and managing the props. Meanwhile, Daniel who’s just busy studying for exam, finishing his requirements, dancing during nights, and unfortunately missing Sungwoon.

  


  
”Do you still contact him after the incident?” Jisung asked him, he was not surprised because that was the meaning behind this sudden hang out in their dorm. He felt the three of them looking at him and he had no choice but to answer, “No. But he still texts me every day and calls me every night.” Jaehwan threw a glare at Jisung, “It’s not even the right question to ask. We should ask him if he still loves Sungwoon-hyung.” Because of what he said, he earned a smack on the head from his hyungs but Daniel just gives him a sly smile. “It’s okay, hyungs. It’s not like we won’t talk about it in the future, right?” His hyungs slowly nodded at him as they chugged down their remaining beer. “It still hurts, you know. Like I kept asking myself when the pain will stop, when the memory will vanish, when I can finally let him go. Because right now, I know I can’t but I have to.”

  


  
”You need to because all he ever does is give you pain. You knew how we are opposed in your relationship with him right? He was still hung up on Minhyun that time when he started hitting on you. It was not a bother at first, since we knew you wouldn’t let him in your life just like that. We couldn’t let him since we know he will just use you to move on from Minhyun, he will just use you to make him jealous. But it still happened, you fell right into his trapped yet you were happy about it.” Jisung narrated and everyone stayed in silence. “—since he was my first.” Daniel continued. “—Since he was your first. That’s when we thought that maybe Sungwoon does really a good job at making you happy in a way we couldn’t. Because all we can give you were a bunch of corny jokes which we know will make you laugh, but not happy like what he does. We supported you even when we’re not certain, and we’re right. He did the last thing he should do, and that is to hurt you.”

  


  
”We knew how happy you were ever since you and Sungwoon started dating a year ago. But what happened between him and Minhyun is not something we should just let pass. It was a serious matter, we all know that. You won’t even do it with him even though our friends kept teasing on how slow you are with him. And that’s something he should be proud of, instead of doing it with someone else.” Daniel felt Seongwu’s anger through his words and he understands him because he felt more than that when he found out. “Minhyun-hyung is not just someone else, hyung. He’s Sungwoon-hyung’s first love.” Their conversation was hard for Daniel to follow as he felt his chest tightened and his tears threatening to fall. “Maybe I was not enough. Maybe he was eager to do it, but he knew I won’t before we settle down. Maybe he’s still in love with him—“ Daniel chokes on his words as he finally lets his tears fall.

  


  
His hyungs didn’t say anything. Daniel is thankful for the silence because that’s what he needs. After a while, his hyungs starts to dig in the leftover chickens and Daniel has already stopped crying. “Start moving forward, Daniel. And don’t ever look back, you’re not going that way,” What Seongwu said still rings on his head even after his hyungs had gone to sleep. He was still wide awake, even though he has class later in the morning. He quietly stares at the ceiling, thinking of all the things through, whether he should come back or let go. He glances at his phone that is placed on his side table, just like what he normally does at midnight, Sungwoon calls him again.

  


  
****

> **_1:31 AM  
>  love, woon calling_ **
> 
> **_  
> _ **

  
He picks up his phone and looks at the screen. Daniel didn’t even need to ask himself if he should answer the call or not because he already knows the answer. He clicked the answer button and he hears Sungwoon’s voice again. _”Hey, Daniel. Sorry to wake you up.”_ Daniel gets up and leans his back on the headboard. “No, I’m still not sleeping.” He hears the older hums on the other line and asks, “Why?” Daniel shrugged his shoulders even when not necessary, “I just finished drinking with the hyungs.” Sungwoon chuckles at him, _“Are you drinking because of me?”_

__  


  
Sungwoon waits for his answer but Daniel didn’t say anything. Because if he says the truth, it will just give the older false hopes that maybe they could go back to what they used to be. _”I’m drinking with… Am I even allowed to say this to you?”_ Sungwoon chuckles again and Daniel knew he was drunk. He didn’t even need to say it because he knows he’s with Minhyun. _”Do you remember? When you went home to Busan and I was left alone in our apartment last Christmas? You were worried because I might felt lonely but I still insisted you to go and visit your Mom.”_

  
  


* * *

  


  
_”Are you sure you’re okay being left behind here? I can tell Mom that I wouldn’t be able to go home for Christmas,” Daniel looks at his boyfriend who’s lying on their bed, coated with several comforters. “I told you I’m fine. Your mom will be disappointed if you won’t be home for the holiday. I can take care of myself, besides; I can call you just to update you about my condition. Okay?” Sungwoon reaches for his hands and caress it with his. Daniel was worried to leave Sungwoon with a high fever alone in their apartment but he also promised his mom that he will be home to celebrate Christmas with them. “Stop pouting at me, Daniel. Go fix your things, now! You need to be there in the afternoon.” Daniel gives up and starts fixing the things he would be using at his two days stay at their hometown._

__  


  
_”I cooked you some porridge for your lunch, in case you wouldn’t like to eat the kimchi jigae at the refrigerator. I also made some side dishes for you to munch on together with the porridge. Put the remaining porridge at the fridge if you didn’t finish it and heat it up for your breakfast tomorrow morning. I’ve also cut some apples and honey dews and put them in a tupperware. Don’t forget to—“ He looks at Sungwoon who’s already rolling his eyes at him. “What? I’m just reminding you the important stuffs.” The older stood up and closed the fridge, “I can handle myself. You may go now, mister.”_

__  


  
_”Do you remember everything that I said?” Sungwoon nodded at him and pushed him away from their mini kitchen. “Your medicines are at the dining table, make sure to drink it every 4 hours. And also check your temperature. Call me to update your condition, okay?” Sungwoon looks tired from listening to all Daniel’s reminders but he appreciates the concern of his boyfriend. “I really do appreciate your concern, niel. But your phone’s been ringing multiple times and I’m sure your mom wants to know if you’re on your way already.” Daniel ran to their living room and grabbed his phone from the center table._

__  


  
_”I should get going now, babe. Don’t force yourself and just rest, okay? Don’t make me worry too much.” Sungwoon politely nodded at him even though his older than him. Daniel hugged him one last time and kissed him on the forehead. “I’ll come back soon!” They bid each other good bye and Daniel rushed into the bus stop. It was late in the afternoon when he arrived at their hometown. Their house was full with their relatives who will spend the Christmas with their family, like their ritual when it is holiday. Daniel catches up with his cousins, and even with his aunts and uncles who’s proud on him having a boyfriend. They all wished they could meet Sungwoon, but due to his high fever, Daniel couldn’t introduce him to his relatives. The visitors starts to leave and he helps his parents to clean up the mess before heading to bed._

__  


  
_”They all hope you’ll get to meet them next time. It seems like they were more excited to meet you than their own nephew.” Sungwoon chuckles at the other line and cough for a few times. “Hey, how are you feeling? Does the temperature go down?” The older couldn’t answer him right away because he was coughing for a few seconds, “I just drank my medicine after dinner. But it gets higher than the last time I check.” Daniel lies on his bed while Sungwoon gets a cup of water for himself. “You should drink lots of water, okay?” “Yes—“ Daniel heard Sungwoon stumbled on the other line and a loud slam from the door._

__  


  
_”Hey, babe. What happened are you okay?” He only hears a flush and a strange sound which looks like Sungwoon’s vomiting. After a few more flushes and Sungwoon’s loud exclaim, “I…I just vomited the porridge I ate for dinner.” Daniel was quick to stand up from lying and he starts trembling when he heard Sungwoon. “Do you feel better now? Do you feel weak?” He starts fidgeting with his fingers and decided to fix his bag in case he needs to go home. “I feel…weaker, Daniel.” Because of his hoarse voice, Daniel knew that he was weaker than this morning. “I’ll be going home, hyung. Just…just drink some water and rest on our bed. I’ll come home soon, okay?” He hears a low yes from him and he gets out from his room. He asked his mother for the permission to go home and his mother understands that Sungwoon needs him._

__  


  
_Daniel rushed into the train station. It was late evening and fewer people were seen on the streets. He arrived at Seoul at midnight and took a taxi all the way to their apartment to reach home soon. He reached their apartment and rushed towards their bedroom where Sungwoon is quietly sleeping. He was burning in fever, cold sweat all over his face and skin starts getting pale. Daniel reached for the thermometer to check his temperature and got a cup of water. After, he cooked a soup for Sungwoon, much lighter than porridge, and makes him eat it before drinking medicine. After a few hours, Sungwoon starts getting better and his temperature starts to drop._

__  


  
_”You came back.” Sungwoon smiles at him when he wakes up in the middle of the midnight. Daniel taps his hands lightly, “I told you to not make me worry because you know I’ll come back right away.” He pouts and hugs him but he regrets it after when he got sick the next day._

__  


  
_”You came back that day because of me. Why won’t you come back to me now?”_ Sungwoon screamed at him. _“Hyung, you’re drunk. Go home now and stop making me worry.”_ He hears Minhyun on the other line while Sungwoon stops him. He abruptly closed his eyes in frustration. It was supposed to be his line but Minhyun said it before him. He’s frustrated on how Minhyun always come in the way whenever they’re trying to fix their relationship and it makes Daniel furious. “Listen to Minhyun-hyung, and go home now.” Daniel ordered and Sungwoon hesitated at first, _“Not until I tell you the most important thing you should know.”_

  


  
Minhyun keeps insisting they should go home but Sungwoon just shuts him out. “Tell me what is it? After that, you should go home.” Daniel said and Sungwoon nodded even though Daniel cannot see him. _“I love you, Niel.”_ Daniel was frozen on his bed; he couldn’t believe Sungwoon told him he loves him. That was the very first time Sungwoon tells him he loves him. Daniel should have been happy to hear that but why his heart was breaking instead of rejoicing? Daniel thinks if those words were really meant for him. “Are you drunk because you love me? Or you only love me because you’re drunk?”

  


  
After a few more minutes of being silent, with only background music of the bar being heard, Sungwoon answered him. And he wished he didn’t even ask in the first place. _”Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just drunk.”_

  


  
_Call ended_

  
  


* * *

  


  
Maybe letting go is the only way to heal his broken heart. Maybe letting go will make him breathe normally again. Maybe letting go will mend his open wounds and stops it from bleeding. Maybe letting go will make him understand more about love, which he failed to understand before. Daniel was eager to find the one. Daniel wanted to have his own happy ending. But he rushed himself into their story. How cruel can it be? When he just wanted to love and be loved by someone, but gets hurt in return. Daniel knew he was happy with Sungwoon, at some point he knew they were both in love with each other. But relationship does not focus only in love; it needs to have communication, understanding and most especially trust. He thought that they were happy and it will be enough to make their relationship work but its not the reality. There would be temptations that awaits that will test how strong their relationship was, and Daniel was wounded because he had survived those temptations but Sungwoon does not.

  


  
Maybe Sungwoon wanted a happy-go-lucky and light relationship, while Daniel wanted a serious one and gets ready to settle down. Or maybe Sungwoon was never in love with him, maybe he was just a tool, maybe he was just a band aid to cover up the wounds that Minhyun had left him. But what’s more confusing than being used is how Daniel willingly lets himself be used by him, because he’s in love with him. Daniel learns that you will do things for the one you love without thinking of your welfare and that’s what happened to him. He was alright with being used but he acts now like a victim. Because deep inside him, he thought what he felt for Sungwoon will make the older forget his past. He thought he was enough and Sungwoon would realize that. Yet he was wrong. And maybe he couldn’t let him go because he was still silently hoping.

  


  
After the drunk call by Sungwoon, he was still bothered by the older for months. There were several texts, calls, sudden bumping into each other but no signs of wanting him back. But Sungwoon doesn’t force him to reply or to answer his calls. And it benefits him more than he had imagined. He gets to focus on his several papers all due in a week and that’s what he gets for being journalism student. He also gets to do his part time job properly without being scolded by the manager for always spacing out. He has also time to dance and perform during his free time; he even gets to join a competition in their university. He has also time to go and visit his parents at their hometown and treat them to dinner. He also bonds with the rest of his friends, which he somehow forgotten when he was still in a relationship. Without even realizing, he was moving forward slowly. His friends kept telling him he looked great than before. He didn’t believe them at first not until he stared at his own reflection on their bathroom mirror. He acknowledged their compliments because he knew himself he was doing great.

  


  
It was one of the best decisions Daniel made all his life. He didn’t realize the love he had for Sungwoon was slowly being toxic to his all being and was killing him silently. Having Sungwoon in his life was a gift, and the pain he gave him was a blessing in disguise. How could one learn to love without getting hurt in the process? Maybe he was happy with what he has now, but maybe he was happier before when he still had Sungwoon. But nothing else matters to Daniel any more than to heal his wounds and start a new life again. He doesn’t want his life to revolve around the pain of his past; he wants to keep moving forward. And now, he reaches for his phone on his side table. No, Sungwoon isn’t calling him. He types a message and hopes Sungwoon will read it before he falls asleep.

  


  


>   
>  **To: Sungwoon-hyung — _11:32 PM_  
>  It took me a long time to finally to talk to you without my anger hindering me. I’m sorry it took me months before I had the courage to settle things with you, hyung. I hope you’re doing great. There were lot of things that happened in the past, though they were not good as what we had before, I’m still glad it happened. I get to learn a lot of things because of that, but don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not blaming you, or Minhyun-hyung. I wanted to clear things between us. The year’s about to end anyway and I don’t want to bring this pain and anger with me. I’m not telling you that I don’t love you anymore or I want to forget you but I just don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I want myself to accept the fact that we’re over and we’re not meant for each other. Our memories will forever haunt me and I want to look back at it without the pain but gratefulness. I don’t want to regret everything we had, I just want to be set free and be happy again even when it’s not with you anymore. Thank you for everything, until we meet again.**
> 
> **  
> **

****

  
Daniel felt lighter than what he usually feels after what happened. It’s like finally being able to breathe after seconds of spending time under the water. Daniel lied, he’s sure he will regret all of this but this is what he needed. This is the last step of letting go. They both need to be happy with their lives, without their past being a hindrance. Whether he ends up with Minhyun or not, Daniel just wants the best for Sungwoon. He wants him to live without blaming himself on what they could have been if ever he didn’t make that mistake. One of them needs to let go, and Daniel took the courage to be the one. It pains to let him go but it will only hurt him more if he continues to hold onto him.

  


  
Daniel had fallen into to sleep after that. But two hours later, his phone lights up and the ringtone had woken him up.

  


  


>   
>  **_1:47 AM  
>  Sungwoon-hyung calling_ **
> 
>   
> 

  
Daniel didn’t flinched when he saw who’s calling. He didn’t even need to think whether he should answer it or not. But he has decided. He didn’t move to reach for his phone at the side table, instead he turns over to face the wall and closed his eyes. _“I’m not coming back.”_ Daniel muttered in his sleep, as a tear comes out from his eyes at the same time. 

  


  


>   
>  **_1 missed call from Sungwoon-hyung_**

  


  
**_Maybe our story didn’t end well but it is still the best one I know._**

**_  
_ **

**Author's Note:**

> thank you again for reaching the end of this fic. i am grateful that you took your time to read my fic so thank you so much!!! i literally cried at some point because this gives me pain... )^: but i do appreciate if you'll leave some kudos and comment down below your opinion/thoughts about the story...might as well also with my writing!!! 
> 
> until next time, little clouds!!!


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